Best and Worst of Cannes

I love a glam film fest.  Obviously, first and foremost its about the filmmakers, crew, actors, and the coveted Palm D’Or.  But there’s something about the Riviera venue that raises the bar, fashion-wise.  Euro-cool protagonists, classic American movie-stars and a smattering of quirky Brit Thesps all add to the eclectic style mix and make it THE hot ticket.  As ever, fashion and film have come together and given us plenty to swoon over.

Here are my choices for the worst and best of Cannes Film Festival 2012:

WORST dressed category

Let’s begin with Calvin Klein, although worn by some of the world’s most beautiful women, the design house disappointed with a gaggle of flops.  Weird fabrics, unflattering cut lines, and difficult hemlines:

Unflattering: Lara Stone usually gets it right, but the shiny fabric over her bust detracts all the attention away from her beautiful face. I won’t even start on the unflattering length…

Nipple Alert: used by many an eager actress to get the attention of the international press. Far from blown away by this outfit. It looks like Melissa George (in Calvin Klein) popped out of the top half and it’s only a matter of time with the skirt…

Diane Kruger in Calvin Klein. Again, the tricky length (Miss Kruger almost makes it work due to her phenomenal legs), but what bugs me the most is her boobs look like they been painfully pulled from their naturally comfortable position, to create cleavage. Call me picky, but the armhole just looks oddly oversized. Underwhelming. Bleh.

An Italian stalwart shocked me with this number, below.  Ferragamo clearly had a momentary blip or maybe this outfit worked in real life.  As I didn’t crack the nod to attend Cannes, I’ll have to make my decision based upon the photographic evidence before me. The cropped top with starched skirt failed to raise my excitement levels.

Frida Pinto in Salvatore Ferragamo. No. Just no. Plus, she looks really uncomfortable.

And another Italian flops:

Hmmm… Not entirely convinced with this Dolce e Gabbana frock for Jessica Chastain. Not the chicest of choices for Cannes me thinks.  Reminds me of Minnie Mouse.

Non!

The collaboration between Dior And Marion Cotillard usually works like a dream. There’s always an exception. And this is it.  Looks like there should have been a plaque on her chest announcing Cannes officially open. Tadaaaaaah!

BEST dressed category

When the actors get it right, they really get it right.   Although Diane Kruger made it into the “worst” category, she by far,  reigns as the fashion Queen of Cannes.  I think I may be mildly obsessed with her style.  Miss Kruger, the spotlight’s on you:

Killer bod, killer Versus dress, killer stare… And I want those shoes!

A vision in Giambattista Vialli. I’ll even forgive her for the really unfortunate positioning of a palm tree!

Looking edgy yet uber-feminine in Balmain. I have got serious wardrobe envy.

Fugly couple… Not! Diane wearing Vivienne Westwood and Joshua Jackson.

The trend for old-school glamour was evident, with Eva Herzigova and Marion Cotillard paving the way:

Eva: a vision in embellished Dolce e Gabbana.

Marion Cotillard in Dior. One of my favourite pairs of all time: black and navy.

Best Male (a category made, when I saw the winner)

Hands down, this award goes to the unbelievably gorgeous Ewan Macgregor:

He wears Dolce e Gabbana well. Very well.

You gotta love Cannes… Vive la France!

Mwah! x

[All images Rex Features from www.vogue.com]

Matchy Matchy

The phenomenon that is when couples start dressing the same…

Ricky Gervais and Jane Fallon (image:www.dailymail.co.uk)

Long Time Partners

You’re either in freshly love or you’ve been together for a long time.  I started thinking about this post when I had the misfortune of sharing a flight to London with Mr Khaki Polarfleece and his dumpy wife.  I knew I was in for trouble when they boarded the plane and began complaining about the fact that people had actually put their bags and coats in the overhead compartments.  Really? Do people actually do that? And there was me thinking that bags are exactly what you place in the overhead lockers. Maybe he hadn’t had sex in a reeeeeeeeaaally long time – there is no other explanation for being so uptight. So as they settle in to their seats, this couple in their khaki ensembles, identical haircuts and matching facial hair, and know I am in for a treat.  I was travelling alone with my two year old daughter, who in her defence, is usually an excellent traveller.  But NOOOOOO.  This time, the little angel decided to have the shit-fit of all shit-fits an hour before we landed.  Now, I understand that this is less than ideal for other travellers, but believe me when I say, no parent enjoys it when their child screams.  At all.  Other people’s lack of empathy always amazes me.  But I also understand that it is never fun listening to other people’s children wail.

I have had my fair share of A-holes on flights.  Even before I have had the chance to sit down, they’re already muttering under their breath about how it is ridiculous that a mother should travel with her baby.  Ridunculous!  Mostly, these delightful dudes can be ignored.  Mr Khaki polar fleece and his wife didn’t disappoint in the A-hole category.  No siree. Despite me doing everything humanly possible to quieten a rather large toddler within a tiny space, Monsieur Khaki turned around and yelled at my daughter to “SHUT UP!”  Which was answered by a terrifying noise that I wasn’t even sure my daughter was capable of.  And that was the end of that.  I have digressed somewhat, but I wanted to give you the background of where I am going with this style blog.

Wearing matching dull, khaki polar fleece and gloomy faces is not a winning look.  You must also be aware that the general public might give you a wide berth, or at least some eye-rolling, for sporting the same outfits.  Nothing says “I got a 2-for-1 bargain” like matching polar fleece.  Longtime couple Ricky Gervais and Jane Fallon (pictured above) have been papped in almost identical kit.  The familiarity and closeness of a long-term relationship makes it easy for couples’ style to morph into one look.

Love is Blind

From enduring love,  to young love. Take a look at the Beckham’s below.  One is teetering on the edge of bad taste – no sorry – one has fallen in to the dark side, if you actually plan your outfits with your partner. It takes balls of pure gold to work those outfits. They almost got  away with it, because of their youth and sickening cuteness as a couple. Almost.

David and Victoria in the olden days: Brave or stupid? This is a hard look to pull off. (Image: www.dailymail.co.uk)

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake

Wow Justin – I am amazed anyone could have made a comeback after this shocker (you look like a 70 year old who’s had bad surgery!)  Nuff said about old Britters.

Love is totally blind. (Image: Reuters)

Jake and Reese

There are those who like to exercise together and then there are those who take it to a whole new level.

The Explosive Kind of Love

Angelina and Billy Bob

Ok, this couple are also no longer – but before their  relationship hit the skids, these two were matchy matchy and intense! Could it have been the matching leather trousers or Billy’s name emblazoned over Angelina’s (left) arm that made us uncomfortable?  Quite frickin’ scary in this phase Angie, if you don’t mind me saying…

I'll find yooooooooouuu Billy...© STEVE GRANITZ/RETNA LTD.

The Smuglets

Kate Winslet and Ned Rocknrolla* (*His actual name. Really.)

Colour co-ordinated: check. Big sunglasses: check. Smug smiles: check. (image: www.dailymail.co.uk)

The smiles and body language show that these couples are in the madly “in love “phase. Maybe they’re also slightly delirious, hence the matching get-up.   As studies have suggested, there are chemicals at work and maybe these cloud your judgment and sanity.  These “love chemicals” blur, previously normal wardrobe choices, and before you know it you are picking out the same colours and similar silhouettes.

For  all those lovers out there who want to wear matching outfits, go ahead!  You won’t even notice that we’re sniggering.  We’re only jealous!  For the other couples who have been together so long and don’t know where they end and their partner begins, just be warned: soon you’ll wearing matching polarfleece.  And there are better ways of keeping warm, trust me.

Just to finish off, there are some who, though, not in love or in a relationship, feel it necessary to have a partner in fashion crime.

Mums and Daughters:

Helena Christensen, below, must have felt that her Google hits were down.  They sure went up after sporting this ensemble with Mommy Dearest, but for all the wrong reasons. I think wearing the same gilet as your Mother might just be the worst crime against fashion.

Why?

Mwah! xx

Best of BAFTA 2012: The Gowns

Last night saw the annual BAFTA awards.  Even though it was rather chilly in London, the actors didn’t disappoint in the glamour stakes.  Here are my favourites from last night:

Our favourite Bridesmaid, Kristen Wiig.

The Iron Lady. BAFTA winner Meryl Streep in Vivienne Westwood.

Cruz Control. Penelope ticks all the boxes with Giorgio Armani Prive.

Downton Abbey's Elizabeth McGovern in Azagury.

Melissa George in Victoria Beckham.

Viola Davis in her Valentino eco gown, made especially for the Green Carpet Challenge.

E! Presenter, Fearne Cotton in Moschino.

But, the biggest surprise of all (for me) came from a girl who, although very pretty and graceful, is usually overdone by her styling team.  Emma Watson definitely gets my best dressed award for her beautiful Valentino mini at the Pre-Bafta party earlier this week.  Absolutely flawless!

(Emma Watson comes of age. Beautiful!

(Images:  www.vogue.com)

I will be back soon with more style titbits!

Mwah! x

Some Like It Hot.

Illustration: Ava Edwards 2012

With the release of the hotly anticipated, Marilyn Monroe biopic starring Michelle Williams, the fashion world has taken a leaf out of the movie star’s lookbook. Style mavens all over the world have been heavily influenced by the late star’s super glamorous get-up.  From the bold red lips and platinum blonde hair to the corseted waists and heavenly feminine silhouettes.  Fashion is harking back to an era where women looked like women and put a whole lot of effort in to looking fabulous.

Of course, Marilyn had to work on being “Marilyn” too. Rumour has it that she always had one of her heels shaved down to perfect that famous wiggle. Fine if you’re a movie star. Not altogether practical if you’re a working mother of two.  Sure, after sorting out all of the week’s groceries, bills, play dates, damage control on house and work meetings, it’d be nice to strut your stuff and have men swooning over your backside, but seriously, there are easier ways to achieve movie star style that don’t involve potentially putting your hip out.

One of my favourite quotes of Ms Monroe’s, when asked what she wore in bed, she replied: “Chanel No.5.”  Rather puts my fluffy pyjamas to shame. Note to self: hone my inner seductress.  The point is, could I do this without laughing at myself? Freshly spritzed with Eau de Parfum and settling down for the night, in the nuddy, with a good book. Probably not, but one should always push through one’s comfort zone, non?

Thank goodness glamour has reared its unashamedly sexy head once more.  It is amazing what an emotional lift, putting effort into your appearance, can give you.  Anyone that says personal image isn’t important is wrong.  As my mother always told me, if I was having a bad day:  “Put some make-up on!”  Indispensible advice and it always works.  Better to look at a made-up reflection than depress yourself even further with panda eyes and blotchy skin.

Michelle Williams stars as Marilyn Monroe in "My Week With Marilyn"(image: Reuters)

All-out glamour for the eternally busy (and stressed) modern woman is easily attainable.  Here’s a trusty list to help :

• Grooming – absolutely essential if you’re to pull off anything close to va-va voom glam.  Clean nails (hands and feet) are a must!  You don’t need indulge in weekly manicures (although a manicure from time-to-time is not a bad idea), just keep your nails neat with an emery board and rub cuticle cream into your nails every other night. Brushed hair is the minimum requirement, but keep tresses looking glossy with a regular trim and conditioning treatment.
• Scent – it goes without saying, ladies, that smelling irresistible is key – find a scent that works for you, but doesn’t overpower everyone else. The rule of thumb is, that if you can smell your own perfume, you’ve got too much on.
• Lipstick – find your perfect shade and instantly brighten up your complexion. A fantastic solution for on-the-spot glam!  The latest trends are for matte textures, but if you’re a lippy virgin, its probably wiser to start with a more transluscent shade or even a lipgloss.  You won’t know how you ever survived without it.
• Great support - from a well-fitting bra (get yourself measured by a professional) ensures your assets are well looked after. And because this look requires a little more effort than usual, matching sets please.  You never know when you’ll be caught off guard!  Remember to stand up straight! No point in having the world’s best bra if your shoulders are hunched – a sure fire way to age you by twenty years. Fact.
• Support underwear – even the smallest actresses rely on these flesh-reducing body-stockings. They smooth out even the most stubborn ‘muffin tops’ and are indispensable for achieving body-beautiful without breaking a sweat. Not the most attractive undergarments to be seen in, so DO NOT get into any awkward situations when wearing these. Strictly for your eyes only.
• Sexy hair – if you haven’t got time to go home, shower, change and get a much-needed “blow out”, you need velcro rollers and Batiste’s Dry Shampoo (available at all good chemists) in your life.  The results are amazing and your hair will have texture and bounce like never before.  It takes bed-head sexy to a whole new level.
• Great accessories – the latest sunglass shape to hit our shores is the Cat’s Eye.  If you’re not feeling brave enough or your face shape won’t allow for it, the classic RayBan Wayfarer in black or tortoiseshell is a winner.  Effortless glamour in an instant.
• The White Shirt – a staple for every woman’s wardrobe. Attention curvier figures: ensure that there is some lycra content, as there is nothing worse than a gaping button stand. Check out www.theshirtcompany.com
• Heels.  These don’t need to be vertiginous.  A teeny weeny kitten or wedge will do the job. Ballet flats are cute, but they sure as hell ain’t sexy. If you want to strut your stuff, the only way to do it is with heels (keep the ballet flats for driving).
• Confidence.  No woman should be without it.  Quite possibly the sexiest (and deadliest) piece of weaponry in your arsenal. Your new mantra (unless it is already): “I am hot, I am hot, I am hot!”

The Classic Ray-Ban Wayfarer - available at www.sunglasshut.co.za

Prrrrrrrrrrrr... Anne et Valentin sunglasses - available at theoculus.co.za

It is all too easy to lose sight of pampering ourselves as the ever growing list of things to do takes over, but these tips are simple to use and great for injecting some much-needed glamour back into our lives. Now there is no excuse, we can all be beautifully groomed without spending a small fortune. But, if you really want to go one step further, remember, Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend!

Mwah! x

Could this be the 8th Deadly Sin? What Not To Wear: Crocs™

DON'T DO IT!!!

Amazingly a lot of adults don’t know what I’m about to tell you, but I’m going to let you into a little secret: grown-ups should never be seen in Crocs™.  Especially in public.  According to their official website, Crocs™ have sold tens of millions of said shoe.  I find that mindblowing.  They are the sartorial equivalent of showing the world you have given up on caring. About anything.  Wearers extol the benefits of wearing these simplistic lumps of manmade rubber, saying that they are “the most comfortable and hardy shoes in their wardrobe”.  Oh that’s ok then.  That negates the fact that they look like big rubber dinghies, come in an array of blinding colours and have the fashionability of, oh urrm let me see, a dog pooh.  Honestly, they look horrendous and I am sure they make your feet smell funky, which by the way, is a major turn-off for most people.  Not only can we see you coming from a few kilometres away, we can also smell you.  Eeeeuuuw!  And it doesn’t stop there.  Nooooo – adding insult to injury, are the little clip-on extras that one can buy – just to brighten up the already fluoro rubber foot colander. Awesome.

Look, I know that Crocs™ have added huge enlightenment to people’s lives, but believe me when I say these rubber delights do nothing for your image.  Fine, wear them at home when you’re gardening, or pottering around the house, but NEVER slip them on to meet friends or do the shopping.  Life is an effort and I believe one should approach personal style with the same gusto.  As soon as you succumb to comfort over style, you are saying to the world: “I  don’t give a flying fig about my appearance”, which is never a good thing to project.  Items like these become a uniform for lots of people who can’t be bothered to choose a nice outfit.  Just like black leggings -its just one more way to say “comfort is key and I don’t have time for all of that frivolous fashion nonsense.”  Black leggings and Crocs™ together, by the way, is style suicide.

Crocs™ are perfectly fine for young children (poor little sods don’t get much of a say in what they wear) as they are practical, colourful and washable. They are a sure fire way of getting your teenagers to totally hate you for all eternity.  Generally they will hate anything a parent chooses for them, but in this instance I am totally on their side.  Kids can muck around in Crocs™ all day long, even if they do make their tiny feet sweat like little piglets.

If you’re looking for some practical Summer style, why not try a pair of the latest espadrilles instead?  They come in an array of fab prints and colours, such as the pair below:

Quirky Espadrille R160.00 at Woolworths

As you know, I love a list, so here are my Top Ten alternative uses for Crocs™:

1. Perfect for rinsing vegetables (not peas).
2. If you’ve got green fingers: show off your Pelargoniums in your very own Croc™ hanging basket.
3. Here’s a tip for Nigella: use yours to ice a cake. Or a few…
4. Bored kids? Take them to the beach and use your Crocs™ to help them collect fish.
5. Give one to your dog to chew.
6. Then give him the other one.
7. Ashtray – not pretty, but certainly practical (N.B. not for hanging).
8. Plastic bag dispenser – hang off your cupboard door for easy access to bags. Genius!
9. Into camping? Use your Crocs™ as a soap holder – can be hung off the nearest branch.
10. If you’re into Tweeting: fill with bird seed and hang off trees.  Watch the birds arrive!

I hope that you have found this latest style guide useful.  I know that these questionable shoes have wormed their way into, normally, well-dressed people’s wardrobes, but enough!  Surgeons can wear them, because they are saving lives, not walking around malls in them.  Otherwise, you are not forgiven. Ever.

Here’s to a stylish 2012.

Mwah! xx

Disclaimer: All advice to be taken with a pinch of salt.

How to Wear: The Short

Fluid shorts - much more flattering than denim hotpants (especially if you're over the age of 15!)

After the flurry of festivals this year, denim shorts have been all the rage. Coachella seems to lead the way with its mix of uber-cool fashionistas, smattering of celebs and setting in Californ-i-ay.  Unfortunately, having seen my fair share of girls/women who really should have thought twice before donning these unforgiving mini shorts, I was inspired to do a style post on said items.

The Infamous Denim Hotpant as seen at Coachella 2011 (image: www.fashionbombdaily.com)

The Basics:

Cellulite, in the cold light of day, doesn’t look great when squeezed into micro shorts.   If you have a wee bit of the orange peel, it’s not so bad, but there are more flattering short options available.  No need to be brazen when you can disguise your not-so-good bits easily.  The only way to combat this common and dimply phenomenon is a diet of low-alcohol,  high protein and a good helping of healthy fats and exercise.  As I write this post, I have managed to polish off a significant amount of ‘Jolly Jammers’.  Feel a tad guilty, but not enough to prevent from having just one more…  Anyhoo, according to James Duigan, author of Bodyism – Lean & Clean, alcohol is the worst culprit and he says it’s “like a fat bomb going off in your body.”  Awesome.  So if you want serious legs, abstain from the booze.

There are other ways to help your pins look fabulous – try some dry-brushing.  Exactly what it says on the tin: buy a soft-bristled brush and use upwardly sweeping motions all over your body.  The idea is to get your circulation going and get rid of some of your dead-skin cells – leaving you with a radiant glow.  But if all of that sounds like too much hard work and you want a serious kick-start to improve the appearance of your cellulite – get some lymph drainage massage. This encourages your lymph nodes to work out the toxins in your body and improve circulation, thus diminishing the appearance of dimples.  Banishing cellulite is a full time job though, and sorry to say there are no quick fixes.

Blemish-free legs are key, so invest in some MAC Face & Body Foundation and soak in Epsom Bath Salts (available from all good chemists).  If you are overseas, another good buy is Sally Hansens’s Airbrush for legs – purely AMAZEBALLS!

Your Fairy Godmother in a bottle (image: maccosmetics.com)

The Style:

Denim hotpants aren’t for everyone. There are so many shorts options out there for us and just because hotpants are not a universally friendly look, doesn’t mean that we can’t experiment with other more flattering short styles.  Look out for fluid, voluminous styles (as illustrated).  Often they have an elasticated waist band, but that doesn’t mean you should be having that extra helping of fries!  If you have a straight figure, knee-length “city” shorts are a good alternative for the office.

Check out the following for some shopping inspiration:

• The Lot on Kloof Street http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=78136817482&v=wall
• www.woolworths.co.za

Silky self-belted short from R250.00

Ditsy Print Short from R170.00.

• Country Road

A great work short from R349.00

Pocket Detail Shorts, available from R499.00

It’s going to be warm this weekend, so start prepping your legs! I’ll be doing some lunges and squats then…

Mwah! x

Motif Jumper Trend

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, motif jumpers are back with a vengeance!

My one word of warning would be: if you have big boobs, best you steer clear of this trend.  And beware of what you put on your chest – remember the keyword is motif, not slogan.  ”Nice Rack” printed in black and white won’t really garner the positive attention you want, so keep it to fluffy dogs or something of that nature.

Doggie Jumper form River Island

Heart Jumper from J Crew.

This will definitely get you noticed! Givenchy motif jumper.

This trend works for t-shirts too.  A little birdie tells me that Zoe Karssen t-shirts are soon to be available at www.shop-label.com.  Check out their site next week!

Zoe Karssen tee. Available at www.shop-label.com. From R1180.00

Me likeeee!

Have a great weekend…

Let the fun times begin!

Mwah! x